Mean Dogs

Here I am traipsing down the sidewalk, on my way to the laundry mat, wrestling with my "granny" cart which has been painfully stuffed to it's maximum...Next thing you know, every single one of my unmentionables has spilled onto the street; a few of them skipping down the road having a colorful conversation with the wind. "How did this happen?", you ask? Simple. Your's truly was running from a DOG. Yes, a 20 pound bulldog that had spotted me from afar and had frozen into "attack" stance, waiting for me; Clint Eastwood style.

Observation: There are a few things that stand close to a New Yorker's heart: food, art, social networking, literature & their DOGS. The only problem with that is the fact that no one would dare think of their fluffy companion as a secret, rabid, flesh-eating killer. Today happens to be the third time in a week, I've been lunged at, growled at, snapped at and near-bitten and like always, the human on the other end of leash, releases a string of, (think high-pitched voice, full of surprise & chagrine), "Ohhhhh, my goodness, I can't believe you (insert dog's name)! He's really very friendly, he'd never hurt anyone!!" Really? Never? Excuse me, but your four-legged friend's eyes have just turned red and he's foaming uncontrollably at the mouth looking like he'd enjoy nothing more than to have a go at me much like how the velociraptors went after that helpless cow in Jurassic Park.

And the thing that puzzles me is that people get pretty familiar with their pet's behavior, right?? Soooo, when your DOG tries to mangle some poor child every time you take him out for a walk, call me crazy, but that's a red flag. And of course you insist on using one of those retractable leashes where your DOG can walk, like, 100 feet in front of you and then, when he goes Planet of the Apes on some unsuspecting pedestrian juggling their groceries, you utterly have no control. Naturally then, when someone like me has had enough and hauls off and kicks your DOG in the face, I get arrested & jailed for animal cruelty... Insert Shakespeare quote: "O, I am Fortune's fool!"

Let the record state: I am not a DOG-hater. I honestly love dogs & much prefer them to cats. My parents got a dog a few years ago and I adore her, like she's my own. But really, the badly behaved dog has the same thing in common with the badly behaved child. One common denominator...eh-hem.

The DOG Whisperer is no joke. I don't even have a DOG and I've watched every episode because it's really that fascinating. Watch it people. Seriously. Because one day, someone might just haul off and do something crazy. And they might be wearing steel-toe boots as well...